A couple of months ago, I was talking with a woman
about adoption. This isn't unusual as I talk to a lot of people about
this subject, because it is a passion of mine. I have an adopted son
along with two biological children, and my wife and I have just started
the process to adopt again.
This woman stated that she wanted to adopt, but
her husband had some concerns. These concerns essentially halted them
from further consideration of adopting. She cited his concerns to me,
and they included: can I love this child like a biological child, can we
afford the expense involved with the entire process, can we afford
college for this child, etc.
Of course these concerns are valid, as all parents
should be deliberate in planning for the necessities of all their
children. As I was listening to her, however, the Lord spoke very
clearly to my heart that these concerns, which sometimes seem like
objections or excuses, are petty.
As I thought about what God was saying, it became
more clear that we tend to ignore the needs of these children for reasons
that have to do with our personal comfort or for issues that have far
less importance.
I would like to address, "Can I love this child
like a biological one?" as I feel this question has some merit. As one
would expect, this question comes from those that have never
adopted. Having never adopted, they simply can't know what to expect
firsthand. I respond to that question with another question, "Did you
fall in love with your spouse?" They are not of your flesh and blood,
yet you would likely say that you love this person entirely.
In my own experience, I loved my biological
children when they were born, but it wasn't until they started to smile
at me that I first felt that deep stirring within my heart. Don't
misunderstand; I would have sacrificed everything for them from the
first moment, but the bonds of love grew within me over time. The very
same thing occurred with my adopted son. From the moment I received the
first photograph, I loved him. With
time, I have fallen in love with
who my son is and who the Lord is shaping him to be.
I believe that all the other objections are issues
of misguided importance. I have heard many various reasons, but at
their core, they deal with the aspects of money/provision. Again, I
don't think it is faulty to contemplate this, but I think it is faulty to let these perceived problems stop you from adopting.
In my mind, I try to step back from the situation
and to imagine posing a choice to a child in an orphanage. Would you
rather live out the rest of your childhood in an orphanage with the
certainty of having no one to call family when you leave the orphanage,
or would you rather have parents and possibly siblings to care for you
as a child and be your family for the rest of your life, even if they
couldn't provide you a college education? This scenario may seem
ridiculous as an example, but reduced to its most basic elements, these
are the only choices. You could exchange the example of a college
education for anything else. We have made the decision already when we
dismiss adoption. The disheartening part is these concerns are based on
issues
that are not true necessities in the first place.
Because of the culture we live in, we mistake the
non-essentials for essentials. College is not essential for life; food,
clothing, shelter, a FAMILY....these are essential. I don't think a
child would mind going to a state-funded college and working or using
modest loans to fund education in exchange for a dramatically different
life. Many of these children are released to the streets at the age of
16 if unadopted. Can you imagine releasing your own son or daughter to the streets
of America at age 16? Once these children leave their orphanages, they still have no family, no mother, no father, to call their own for the rest of their lives.
Again, you can substitute anything else for the word
"education" in this example; "wedding", "car", "music lessons", "big,
expensive house", etc. At its core, these things are not a substitute
for what truly matters.
I also believe that God is not as concerned with
the temporary as He is with the eternal. As Christians, we should bring
these children into our lives so that we can train them in the way of
the Lord. Ephesians 6:4
"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." [NKJV] This makes an eternal difference. Many children in other
countries will never hear the Gospel message. If we can teach them to
love our Creator with all of their hearts, souls, minds, and spirits,
then we have made a difference for eternity, but also for the Kingdom
here on Earth as these children will go to serve the Lord in further
spreading the Gospel. I know the Lord spoke very clearly to me that He
is less concerned with my comfort than with the eternity of that child
that He is calling us to adopt now.
In matters of providing for our children, we must
not forget who we serve, the Lord of the universe. If He is calling us
to adopt, we must remember that He can provide for the needs of this
child. How? I don't know how He will do it specifically for you, but I
have seen Him work in unexpectedly miraculous ways in my life and in my
family.
John 1:12-13
12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. [NASB]
12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. [NASB]
14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ...
[NIV]
I encourage all to prayerfully consider adopting. Don't let petty, meaningless excuses prevent your from making a difference in a child's life. Keep focused on what is truly important. Your child will never regret your decision to give them a family. In my own experience, I have found that I am the blessed one for the privilege of fathering my adopted son.
